Wake Up Call
by bellamouse16
Summary: Kali is part of the Avengers, a relative of Shiklah, and Deadpool's girlfriend. Coulson gives Kali a job only he can trust her with: waking up the rest of the Avengers. One can only imagine the kind of trouble she'll run into while trying to wake up the world's mightiest heroes.


It was always tough trying to wake the guys up. Of course Coulson thought Kali would be the best person to wake the rest of the team. Kali woke up every day at the same early hour like clockwork. It was kind of part of her powers. She was like a siren, except she used dark matter to draw her prey in. She was the daughter of the devil, well at least that's what people assumed. Kali was related to Shiklah. Unlike her, Kali mostly stayed in this realm. Thor called it Midgard. Kali was immortal and due to her powers; which were extremely strong, she also dealt with a few curses as her father liked to refer to them. Part of it was the inability to fall asleep. She could take naps but would always wake up on the hour. Anyways, Kali was now on her way to wake up the rest of the Avengers. First was Steve. Thankfully Cap was used to waking up at the crack of dawn and was usually up when she walked into his room. Kali pushed the door open as Steve pulled it open. He quickly braced her soldiers to keep her from falling onto him.

"Careful Kali. You remember what happened last time you bumped into me."

Cap referred to the one time she accidently ran into him and was caught so off-guard that she knocked him into the Dark Realm. It was totally a mistake though.

"Really? Cap, you know I'd never do that to you, purposely that is."

She playfully nudged him as he tensed, almost as if he was bracing himself for the cold darkness that made dealing with Hydra seem like a walk in the park.

"Well, I'm off to make breakfast. Are you waking Bucky up next?"

She nodded and mentally prayed that today was a good day. He was still dealing with all the brainwashing and the side effects. He was easy enough to wake up on a good day, but on his bad days, Kali always ended up in a chokehold or pinned to the bed. When she told her boyfriend of the latter, he freaked out and glared at the Winter Soldier all day, as if he was trying to make him disappear. He knew killing the Soldier was clearly out of the question as much as he wanted to at the moment. Kali opened Bucky's door cautiously and walked stealthily towards the bed. Bucky was sprawled across the bed tangled in his blankets. He groaned and tossed himself towards the opposite side she was standing by. She leaned on the bed patting Bucky's arm gently.

"Hey Bucky, time to wake up," she said playfully.

Kali heard him groan again and tug on her arm. Bucky was physically stronger than Kali, especially with his metal arm. She fell onto the bed and was sprawled across him as she tried regaining her balance. Now with her full body weight on him, Bucky woke up and rolled over so that Kali was under him. He looked down at her.

"Well this is a new one. Trying out a new technique to wake me up or should Wade be concerned?"

Kali narrowed her eyes and glared as Bucky laughed.

"No. You pulled me across the entire bed when I was trying to wake you!" she huffed.

Kali pushed her way out from under Bucky and stood. Bucky sat up and stretched his arms over his head.

"Don't go back to sleep! Steve already started making breakfast!" She called over her shoulder and walked out to wake up the next Avenger.

Thank god there weren't any more super soldiers to wake up. Kali bypassed Bruce's room as she saw him walk into the hall. She slipped into Natasha's room and pulled the shades up. Nat's reflexes were so quick that Kali didn't try to tap her shoulder or nudge her awake. All Kali had to do was let some light shine into the room to get her to wake up.

"What? What happened?"

She woke up instantly.

"Nothing."

Kali shrugged and began walking out.

"Breakfast time," she practically sang as she heard a string of swears.

Kali continued onto Clint's room. Now this one was tricky. Clint was prone to waking up just as fast as Nat, the only difference was he would automatically grab his bow and arrow and shoot as if an intruder somehow got into Stark Tower. She pushed the door open cautiously. He had hit her with arrows many times. Thankfully the whole being immortal thing helped Kali heal just as fast as the arrow sunk into her skin. She heard a slight movement and winced a bit as she felt the arrowhead sink into her arm.

"Seriously Clint? You owe me a new shirt," Kali shouted and walked to tug open the curtains. She turned to see Clint sitting up and grimacing at the sight off the arrow in Kali's arm.

"Sorry Kali," he called out as she stalked back into the hall.

Kali tugged the arrow out and dropped it on the floor in front of Clint's room as she continued down the hall. Clint would have to pick it up. Her arm barely tingled as the wound closed itself. She glanced down but the only evidence that anything had happened was the tear in her shirt. It was black, so the little bit of blood that seeped out didn't show. Besides, her blood was black and sparse when she only had a small cut like the arrowhead had made. Kali continued till she made it to Thor's room. He was pretty easy to wake up. She opened the door and walked towards his bed.

"Wake up Thor. Steve's making breakfast."

Thor woke up quickly enough and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you lady Kali."

She blushed like always when he did something like that and hurried out of the room. It was something about how gentlemen-like he acted that always had her blushing. If it were anyone else, they would probably lose a hand or something but she always let Thor get away with kissing her hand or cheek. Next up was Stark. Pepper was away this week and had made Kali promise to wake him. Pepper didn't trust him to wake when she had told Friday to wake him. Kali wouldn't have put it past Stark to reset Friday the second Pepper left. She forged on and was glad when she remembered it was only him. Before Pepper, Kali used to have to wake Stark and whoever else was laying naked in his bed.

"Tony, wake up!" Kali said in a sing-songy voice as she pushed open his door. She loved torturing Tony like this.

"Oh God, just go away. What's the point of telling Friday not to wake me when you do so any ways?"

Needless to say, Tony wasn't a morning guy. Especially after a night of heavy drinking. Kali grabbed a bottle of water from the small fridge in his room and an Advil before walking over to his bed. She placed it next to his bed and tugged on his pillow, successfully pulling it out from under his head.

"Friday," Tony groaned. "Who let Kali in?"

Tony was being sarcastic but Friday always answered back.

"Pepper requested that Kali be allowed to wake you."

Tony groaned again and reluctantly started to get up.

"I thought I told you not to wake me!"

Kali laughed as Tony continued to fight with his AI and exited the room. She walked down the hall back towards her room. She took off her torn shirt before glancing towards the bed. Her boyfriend, who was sometimes an Avenger, was sound asleep. Kali was pretty sure it was primarily because they preferred to keep him close by so that they could keep an eye on him. He wasn't exactly trustworthy all of the time. Kali slipped on another shirt and looked over at Wade, who was sound asleep. Between the time she had woken everyone else up and made it back to their room, Wade had sprawled out across the entire bed. Without a second thought, she pounced on him.

"Ugh, oh…!" Wade's shout was muffled by Kali's lips silencing him.

"Well that's a nice way to get woken up."

 _"Duh, cause she loves us."_

Kali barely paid any mind to when Wade would talk to himself. They had been together long enough and Kali had experience far odder things in the underworld.

"Of course I do!"

Kali sat up, straddling Wade with her legs. Wade sat up too and wrapped his arms around her. He didn't have his mask on, but he never did when he was just with Kali. Part of him was still super self-conscious of being without his mask but she barely paid any attention to how he looked. She truly didn't care. Wade went to pull her closer but she only pushed him away with her hand.

"Nah uh, you have to get up too."

"What? Why?" Wade wined as he was pulled up by Kali.

"Because I just woke up everyone else and I left you last. Plus, Steve's making pancakes."

Kali giggled when Wade's face lit up at the mention of pancakes.

"Oooh Cap's just the best!" Wade said as he pulled Kali back towards him.

"But you know what's just as good?"

Wade's hand slipped under Kali's shirt as he leaned down to kiss her neck. Kali turned around and kissed Wade again. Her arms looped their way around his neck as she pulled herself up.

"And we can find out later."

Kali slipped out of Wade's grip and practically sashayed towards the doorway.

"Oh she kills us every time!"

Kali just giggled. Wade pulled on his suit and pulled his mask on, not before Kali pressed one last kiss against his lips. She entwined their hands.

"Let's go. Don't wanna keep the Avengers waiting."


End file.
